2/14/2014

Dear James Franco,

Happy Valentine's Day!

I had to work both jobs today (as usual), but I went all super-creative whilst at the bookstore and decided I would create a graphic novel! Not to brag, but you remember how well my stick-figure coloring books were received back in 2006, I'm sure. It was only a matter of time before the world begged for more.

Anyway, here's the teaser for James Franco: Vampire Rockstar. Hope you like it!

Looks good, no? I shall charge $50 a book, which will (obviously) be considered a steal to the educated consumer.

Unrelated, but soon-to-be-Dr. Rambo brought cookies to my nemesis and me today. That, my friend, is a pretty cool sentence. Also, the cookies are delicious. 

Hope you had a lovely Valentine's Day!

Your friend,

Mandy

2/3/2014

Dear James Franco,

You from 2013 says heeeeeeeey.

Sprang brake foreva,

Mandy

2/1/2014

Dear James Franco,

So. Thanks to my stupid illness and the fact that I imbibed far too much cough syrup the past few days to make wise decisions (or even function correctly), I did not end up being able to purchase tickets to your poetry discussion here in Chicago in a few weeks. 

TRAVESTY. 

I feel terrible, especially since you are only coming to Chicago because of how much I've been hounding you to visit. Bah. I'm a terrible friend, and I apologize. I do hope you'll still stay at my apartment, and -- of course -- if you'd like to add me to your personal guest list for the event, why, of course I wouldn't say no. No pressure. 

I tried to convince Heather at work that you should come do a book signing with us. She was surprisingly receptive:

Have your people call our people. 

Heather and I also discussed whether or not you play the ukulele (did I mention I'm teaching myself how to play??). The consensus, also reached with Leah, was "...probably."

Your friend,

Mandy

1/30/14

Dear James Franco,

So, your girl is sick. :(

Being sick, I decided at 8:45 pm that I needed Sprite and froyo. You know, normal sick stuff. When I went to get on the blue line, I was accosted by a singular Mormon youth -- which seemed more and more troubling to me the farther I wandered on the platform (where was the elder's companion? Had he been pushed in front of a train??). 

Then I got on a train, where I watched a little blonde girl con strangers out of their money without having to give them any of the candy she was "selling for school." She was slick, and frankly neither cute nor young enough to get away with it -- more power to her. Maybe she has some of your unquantifiable charisma??

Anyhow, I got my junk food without further incident -- but just as I went to get back on the subway, I began to feel a sneeze attack coming on. There was a gent of considerable girth and age also going down into the subway, perhaps half a flight of stairs ahead of me, and as I paused at the top of the steps and began sneezing, he yelled behind him without looking, "BLESS YOU!", then proceeded to leap down the last three stairs of the flight, yelling "EEYAAUGH!" in a tone which can only be explained as one of proud triumph. He began normally walking down the next flight of stairs, then REPEATED THIS LEAPING/YELLING COMBO. 

He instantly became one of the best humans ever. 

Almost as awesome as you. Do you ever leap down stairs? Betcha do. 

You're coming to my city in a few weeks! Let's get dranks. Yay!

Your friend,

Mandy

1/11/2014.2

Dear James Franco,

My nemesis Kevin brought up the fact that you are way too interesting to use Paypal. I can't believe I didn't think of this!

As such, it's probably going to be way more fun for both of us if you fund my New York birthday trip with a treasure hunt. 

I await your map. 

Your friend,

Mandy

 

1/11/2014

Dear James Franco,

Three things I love:

1) My birthday
2) Broadway shows
3) Your acting

SO GUESS WHAT. On Friday, April 11, those things COULD ALL COMBINE into THE WORLD'S MOST AMAZING NIGHT EVER.

I just need like $400 to get back to NYC that weekend and buy a super-sweet ticket to the show. That's over half a month's rent for me, but I bet it's like what you spend on toothpaste per week or something (Oh, you silly rich person!).

Can you even imagine a better way for me to spend my last birthday that's going to matter before I turn too old to celebrate birthdays anymore?!?!

ME NEITHER.

I MEAN. IT IS A FRIDAY NIGHT. CAN YOU EVEN BELIEVE THAT LUCK?!

Sarah (you remember her) and I think that this should really happen, and I'd love for you to feel involved. Would you contribute to an indiegogo campaign if I started one? Or would just a plain Paypal transfer be more convenient?

Your friend,
Mandy

1/7/2014

Dear James Franco,

Stop. 

Just. Stop. 

Your friend,

Mandy

1/5/2014

Dear James Franco,

It is still so weird to write 2014! Don't you think!?!

I spent my Sunday afternoon in the bathtub drinking Sauvignon blanc and texting people and listening to dance music. This is something you and I always have in common! :D

Some of my favorites of your posts in various social media have to do with your makeup artist/hair stylist/BFF Nana. She is such a delight! My BFF since I was four years old is Lamers and she is also a delight. This is what she had to say about me becoming a lightweight recently: 

....and by "recently," I obviously mean "today."

You'd like her. I'll make sure to introduce you next time you're both in town. 

Hope your day is going well!

Your friend, 

Mandy

1/2/2014

Dear James Franco,

Happy New Year! Woooooo! It looked like you had such a great time at your masquerade!

Mathew and I both have today off randomly, so we're hanging out in our new patterned pj pants and watching Top Chef. #roommatefunbondingtimes I also slept about twelve hours last night. I know you won't approve of that, being half-vampire and not needing sleep and all, but I'm not only entirely human, but also a human who was somewhat sleep-deprived yesterday, so for me, that was awesome! I FEEL INVINCIBLE.

Less awesome: they're cooking live crawfish on Top Chef. UM, TERRIBLE. THE LITTLE GROSS CRAWFISH KEEP MOVING AROUND IN THE PAN. I know crawfish are one of your top three favorite foods, but GROSS. In this opinion, you're wrong.

I'm not planning on leaving my apartment today (thanks, Chicago snow, for keeping me home) so if you'd like to stop by, that'd be fine! I'll make you some ramen.

Your friend,
Mandy